How to Support a Friend With Homesickness
When a friend is homesick, you might not know what to say or do. The most helpful thing you can offer is steady, practical presence.
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What homesickness really feels like
Homesickness is not just missing your mum's cooking or your old bedroom. It is a grief for the life you used to have, the people who knew you without explanation, and the small routines that told you who you were. Your friend might feel ashamed of it, especially if they chose to move. They might tell themselves they should be grateful, or that everyone else is managing fine.
The feeling can come in waves. Some days they are fine. Other days a smell, a sound, or a holiday they do not celebrate here can knock them sideways. It does not mean they made a mistake moving. It means they are human.
The guide Homesickness and culture shock: what to look for goes deeper into the signs and how they show up differently in different people.
What your friend actually needs from you
Most people respond to a friend's sadness by trying to fix it. "Have you tried joining a club?" or "You just need to give it time." You mean well, but that can land as a dismissal.
What helps more is:
- Listening without rushing to solve. Let them talk about home without you steering the conversation to how great their new city is.
- Asking specific questions. Instead of "How are you?" try "What did you miss most today?" or "What time is it back home right now?"
- Showing up consistently. Homesick people often pull away because they do not want to burden others. A regular coffee, a shared walk, a message that does not demand a reply can mean a lot.
- Remembering small things about their home. Ask about their family, their favourite meal, the holiday that is coming up in their country. It tells them their old life still matters.
What to watch for when it goes deeper
Homesickness usually fades as someone builds a new life. But sometimes it stays, or gets worse, and turns into something that needs more than friendship.
Look out for:
- Withdrawing from you and others, cancelling plans, staying in their room
- Stopping basic care: not eating properly, not sleeping, not showering
- Drinking more than usual, or using other things to numb the feeling
- Talking about home with a kind of hopelessness, as if they will never feel okay again
- Expressions of shame or self-blame for not coping better
If you notice these, do not confront them. Just say something like "I have noticed you seem really low lately, and I am worried about you." Then listen.
Some of what they are feeling may be culture shock, which is a normal part of adjusting to a new country. The page on Healthy ways to cope with culture shock has ideas you can share gently, not as a to-do list but as options.
How culture and faith shape the experience
Homesickness does not look the same for everyone. Someone from a culture where family is the centre of life may feel the loss more sharply, and also feel guilty for leaving. A friend whose faith involves daily prayers, communal worship, or specific food rules may struggle if their new place does not support those things easily.
If your friend is Muslim, for example, they might find it hard to locate a mosque, find halal food, or explain Ramadan to colleagues. The article How to Support a Muslim Friend Through Mental Health Hardship gives thoughtful ways to help without making assumptions.
For other friends, the difficulty might be around language. Even if they speak English well, the effort of constantly translating yourself, of not catching jokes, of having to explain your own name, is exhausting. That tiredness can look like homesickness, or make it worse.
Practical things you can do
Small actions carry more weight than big speeches.
- Help them build one small ritual. A weekly phone call with someone back home. A Friday night film from their country. A walk to a shop that sells a familiar snack.
- Introduce them to one person, not a group. A group can feel overwhelming. One person with a shared interest or background is easier.
- Cook or eat with them. Food is one of the strongest links to home. If you can, learn to make something they miss. If not, find a restaurant that serves it and go together.
- Send them home. If they can afford a visit, help them plan it. If they cannot, help them figure out video call times that work across time zones.
- Share your own struggles. If you have lived away from home, tell them honestly what it was like. If you have not, you can still say "I do not know exactly how you feel, but I want to understand."
When professional help is the right step
You are not a therapist. You can be a good friend and still not have the tools to help someone whose homesickness has become depression or anxiety. That is not a failure.
If your friend has been deeply low for weeks, is not eating or sleeping, or talks about not wanting to be here, it is time to gently suggest they talk to someone trained. You can say "I care about you, and I think you deserve more support than I can give. Would you like me to help you find someone?"
Their GP or family doctor is a good first step. In the UK, the NHS mental health website explains how to access talking therapies. You could also look together at the professionals directory on Therapy O'Clock, where independent therapists list what they offer and what languages they speak. Some people prefer a therapist who shares their cultural background or faith, and that is something you can filter for.
For crisis situations, or if they are in a country where they do not know the system, Find A Helpline (free helplines by country) lists numbers that work where they are.
How to keep yourself well while supporting them
Being the person someone leans on can wear you down. You might start feeling helpless, or guilty that you cannot fix it, or even resentful if they lean on you too much.
Set small boundaries. You can say "I can talk now for twenty minutes" or "I cannot tonight, but let us meet tomorrow." That is not cold. It is honest, and it keeps you able to show up over the long run.
Talk to someone else about how you are feeling. Not your friend. A different friend, a family member, or a support group for people in your situation. Carers UK has resources for people who support others, even if you do not think of yourself as a carer.
And remember: you are not responsible for their happiness. You are responsible for being a decent friend. That is already a lot.
If you would like to talk this through with someone, you can see the professionals listed, who work online in several languages.
Questions people ask
How long does homesickness usually last?
It varies a lot. For some people it lifts after a few months as they build new routines and relationships. For others it comes and goes for years, especially around holidays or family events. If it gets worse instead of better after six months or so, it may be turning into something that needs professional support.
Should I tell my friend to just give it more time?
Probably not. They have likely already heard that, and it can feel dismissive. Instead, acknowledge that it is hard and ask what they need right now. Time helps, but it helps more when someone is listening alongside it.
What if my friend says they regret moving?
Let them say it without jumping in to defend their decision. Regret is a normal part of big life changes. They may not mean it forever. They may just need to say it out loud to someone who does not panic.
Can homesickness happen even if someone moved years ago?
Yes. It can resurface after a loss, a breakup, a major life change, or simply a quiet moment when the distance suddenly feels real. It does not mean they are not settled. It means they still carry their old life with them.
How do I help a friend who is too proud to admit they are struggling?
Do not push. Keep showing up. Do small practical things without making a big deal of it. Bring food. Invite them to something low pressure. Let them know you are around without demanding they talk. Pride often softens when someone stays steady.
What if I am homesick myself and trying to support someone else?
That is hard. Be honest about your limits. You do not have to pretend you are fine. You can say "I am struggling too, so I might not have much to give right now, but I am glad we are both here." Consider finding your own support, whether through a friend, a community group, or a therapist.
Should I encourage them to go back home?
That is a big question. You can help them think it through without pushing either way. Ask what they would miss if they left, and what they would gain. A therapist can help them untangle the decision without pressure.
How do I help if we do not speak the same first language?
You can still be present. Use simple words. Learn a few phrases in their language. Use translation apps if needed. Actions matter more than perfect sentences. Sitting with someone in silence can be as supportive as talking.
What if their family back home is putting pressure on them to stay or return?
That is a heavy load. Listen to how that pressure feels for them. Do not take sides against their family. Instead, help them name the conflicting feelings. They may need to talk to someone outside the situation, like a therapist or a trusted elder in their community.
Can homesickness affect physical health?
Yes. It can cause trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, headaches, stomach problems, and a lower immune system. If your friend keeps getting sick or cannot eat, encourage them to see a doctor. The physical symptoms are real, not just in their head.
Is it okay to ask about their home country a lot?
Yes, if you ask with genuine curiosity and not as a way to change the subject. Most homesick people want to talk about home. They just do not want to feel like they are boring you or that you are only asking to be polite.
When should I suggest they see a therapist?
When you notice the signs have lasted for weeks without improvement, when their daily life is falling apart, or when they say things that worry you about their safety. Suggest it gently, and offer to help them find someone. Do not wait until you feel completely out of your depth.