Anxiety in children: signs and how parents can help

How anxiety shows up in children

• Stomach aches, headaches or feeling sick, especially before school
• Clinginess or fear of being apart from parents
• Trouble getting to sleep, nightmares
• Tantrums, irritability or crying more than usual
• Avoiding school, parties, activities or new things
• Asking "what if" questions again and again
• Needing reassurance repeatedly

Common types

• Separation anxiety: fear of being apart from parents.
• Social anxiety: fear of being embarrassed or judged.
• Generalised worry: worrying about many things, like school, health or family.
• Specific fears: dogs, the dark, vomiting.
• School refusal: often driven by anxiety rather than defiance.

What makes anxiety worse

Avoidance. When a child avoids what they fear, they feel relief, but they never learn they can cope. Well-meaning parents often help them avoid, letting them stay home, answering every worry, or speaking for them. This is understandable but keeps anxiety going.

How parents can help

• Acknowledge feelings: "I can see you're really worried."
• Show confidence: "This feels hard, and I know you can do it."
• Encourage small brave steps rather than avoidance.
• Limit reassurance: answer once, then gently move on.
• Model calm: children learn from how you handle stress.
• Praise effort, not just success.

Pressures in South Asian families

Children may feel pressure to excel academically, hold two cultures together, or protect parents from worry. They may hear adults worrying about money, visas or relatives back home. Talking openly and calmly about these things, at their level, helps.

When to get help

Speak to a professional if anxiety:

• lasts for weeks or keeps getting worse;
• stops your child going to school or doing normal activities;
• causes frequent physical complaints with no medical cause;
• affects family life significantly.

CBT is effective for childhood anxiety, often with parents closely involved.

Questions people ask

What are signs of anxiety in a child?

Stomach aches, headaches, clinginess, sleep problems, tantrums, avoiding activities, and repeated worried questions.

Why does my child get stomach aches before school?

Anxiety often shows up as physical symptoms in children. Once medical causes are ruled out, worry about school may be the reason.

Should I let my anxious child stay home from school?

Occasional days off may seem kind, but regular avoidance usually makes anxiety worse. Work with the school on a gradual plan.

How can I calm my anxious child?

Stay calm yourself, acknowledge their feelings, help them breathe slowly, and encourage small steps towards what they fear.

Is my child's anxiety my fault?

Anxiety has many causes, including temperament and life events. Parents can help a lot, but are rarely the sole cause.

Can children have therapy online?

Yes, many children do well with online therapy, usually with a parent involved.

What is the best treatment for anxiety in children?

CBT adapted for children, often with parents involved, has strong evidence.

Can children grow out of anxiety?

Some do, but persistent anxiety often continues into adulthood without help. Early support makes a big difference.

How do I stop giving my child too much reassurance?

Answer once, express confidence in them, then gently change the subject. Gradually reduce how often you reassure.

Should I tell my child's school about their anxiety?

Usually yes. Schools can offer support and help with a gradual plan if your child is avoiding school.