Postnatal depression: when the joy does not come

Baby blues or postnatal depression?

In the first two weeks after birth, many mothers feel weepy, anxious and overwhelmed. This is often called the baby blues and usually passes on its own.

Postnatal depression is different. It can start any time in the first year, and it lasts longer and feels heavier.

Signs of postnatal depression

• Persistent low mood or feeling empty
• Losing interest in things, including the baby
• Feeling unable to cope
• Exhaustion beyond normal newborn tiredness
• Trouble bonding with the baby
• Frightening thoughts about something happening to the baby
• Feeling guilty, worthless or a bad mother
• Withdrawing from people

Why it is often hidden

In many South Asian families, a new mother is surrounded by relatives and advice. That can be a huge support. It can also mean little privacy, pressure to follow traditions, comments about the baby's weight or gender, and no space to admit you are struggling. Living abroad without your own mother can make it worse.

There can be a fear that saying "I am not okay" will be seen as ingratitude, or that someone will think you cannot look after your child.

Frightening thoughts

Many new parents have sudden unwanted thoughts about harm coming to the baby. These intrusive thoughts are common, especially with anxiety or OCD, and having them does not mean you will act on them. Talking about them with a professional brings huge relief.

Fathers can be affected too

Fathers can also become depressed after a baby, especially if their partner is unwell, money is tight or sleep is gone.

Getting help

• Talk to your health visitor, midwife, GP or family doctor.
• Talking therapy, such as CBT, helps many parents.
• Medication can be safe while breastfeeding; a doctor can advise.
• Accept practical help with feeds, cooking and sleep.

When it is urgent

Seek help immediately if you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, feel confused, or see or hear things others do not. These can be signs of postpartum psychosis, which is a medical emergency.

Questions people ask

What is postnatal depression?

Postnatal depression is depression that develops in the year after having a baby. It is more than the baby blues and usually needs support to recover.

How common is postnatal depression?

It is common, affecting a significant number of new mothers, and fathers can be affected too.

What is the difference between baby blues and postnatal depression?

Baby blues start in the first few days and usually pass within two weeks. Postnatal depression lasts longer, feels heavier and can begin any time in the first year.

Does having intrusive thoughts about my baby mean I am dangerous?

No. Unwanted thoughts about harm coming to the baby are common and distressing precisely because you do not want them. Talking to a professional helps.

Can fathers get postnatal depression?

Yes. Fathers can become depressed after the birth of a baby, particularly if under stress or if their partner is unwell.

Is it safe to take antidepressants while breastfeeding?

Some antidepressants are considered safe while breastfeeding. Talk to your doctor about the options.

Can therapy help postnatal depression?

Yes. Talking therapies such as CBT are effective for postnatal depression and can be done online, which suits life with a newborn.

Why do I feel guilty about not enjoying motherhood?

Guilt is a common symptom of postnatal depression, made worse by expectations that new mothers should be happy. It is an illness, not a failure.

What is postpartum psychosis?

A rare but serious illness after birth, with confusion, hallucinations or extreme mood changes. It is a medical emergency; call your emergency number.

How can family help a mother with postnatal depression?

Listen without judging, take on practical tasks, protect her sleep, limit critical comments and encourage her to speak to a professional.

Can postnatal depression affect my baby?

Getting treatment helps both of you. Babies do well when their parents get support, so seeking help is one of the best things you can do for your child.